What does Barbie do in response to her feet changing? She climbs the hill to visit Weird Barbie in search of answers. After introductions, Weird Barbie begins questioning  the events preceding this seemingly catastrophic incident. 

Weird Barbie asks, “What proceeded this?” Stereotypical Barbie shares she played a “fun” game of volleyball, then lowers her voice to add, “…and thoughts of death”. 

“What?” Weird Barbie leans in closer, awkwardly putting her ear near S-Barbie’s mouth (for ease of typing and reading). 

“Maybe some thoughts of death,” S-Barbie repeats, barely audible still, eyes fixed ahead.

“Thoughts of death?!” Weird Barbie shouts.

Weird Barbie proceeds to explain S-Barbie has opened a portal. In a sort of blue-pill, red-pill, Matrix reference, S-Barbie can choose the high heal shoe, return to “normal”, and forget anything happened; or, she can choose the Birkenstock, discover the “truth about the universe”, go into the real world to visit her child, and fix the issue. 

S-Barbie choses the heal, closes her eyes and says, “I’m ready to forget”.  

Weird Barbie admonishes her, “You’re supposed to want to know…You’re doing this one (as she shoves the Birkenstock into S-Barbie’s face)… I just gave you a choice so you could feel some sense of control!”

Hope is like Weird Barbie

In a previous post, I shared how grief and cancer are like doors. They invite you into a room, rarely of your choosing, to confront the truth, in all its forms. In these rooms, we often rendezvous with thoughts of death, the meaning of life, will we have a chance to become the best versions of ourselves…you know, the easy questions. 

But if grief and cancer are doors, I think it’s quite likely those are the rooms where we find hope, masquerading as Weird Barbie. We would rather close our eyes and pretend we aren’t in the scary room, but Weird Barbie, aka Hope,  presents a beautiful, albeit random opportunity to confront our fears, acknowledge our firmly held yet limiting beliefs, and move forward. 

Hope is like Weird Barbie

I cannot claim this simile. It was birthed out of a therapy session I had with an amazing practitioner ( who you will get to meet in a minute). Through this journey of being diagnosed with cancer (I’m trying to avoid saying I “have” cancer. To insinuate I “have” cancer seems to create a type of reciprocal relationship in which cancer can also have me. That is a world I refuse to live in, hence the careful word choice – can’t get enough of word association!!) Anyway, this cancer journey has provided space, or better stated, forced me to explore what self-care looks like and to ask, what does it look like to really take care of myself – all of me, body, soul, and spirit? 

I have gotten pretty good at compartmentalizing those aspects, and care of body is at the bottom of the list. I try to be cognizant of what I eat, and then I push my body into submission. Seems like a fair trade. But one day, in the throes of chemo fatigue, I realized I was angry at my body and feeling betrayed. It didn’t feel like my body was being a team player. So I started looking for ways to figure out how to get my body to step up.

Through the recommendation of a close friend, I contacted Sonya, who is a “message therapist”. You’ll see why that’s in quotes because she is so much more. In my world, she’s a practitioner of healing.  But maybe it’s best to let her explain. She’s lovely and I can’t wait for you to meet her. (Anyone who can compare hope to Weird Barbie should be a celebrity in my book!) Below is a brief interview so you can get to know her and get a glimpse into her beautiful person and practice.

Please let me introduce an amazing woman and a faithful partner on this journey with me, Sonya Weiser Souza…(hold for applause). 

Me: Let’s jump right in. Can you give us a bit of your background?

Sonya: This is one of those long story short answers 🙂 so maybe we’ll get into the depths later… I was walking along just minding my own business as a successful science and sport focused massage therapist, full of injury and performance protocols, just whistling Aloha Oē, and along came another massage therapist friend who said “hey, I tried this modality called Barnes Myofascial Release wanna try?” And I was like sure! I love trying new things… and then my world was blown apart with the softest of touch, like a whisper that blows a house down… I was hit in the feels by a dancing dandelion and I’ve never seen bodywork the same since…

Me: You mentioned moving or adding onto message with a study in Barnes Myofascial Release. How would you explain the difference between Barnes Myofascial Release and typical massage?

Sonya: Traditional massage feels amazing and boosts circulation, muscle tone, and relief—though it’s temporary, like a dream vacation. Sports massage, however, aims for performance and injury prevention with intense techniques like deep tissue and cupping, causing “beneficial damage” to heal tissues, like a volunteer vacation, where you work for your room and board. Both effectively treat symptoms and make you feel and work better. Myofascial release (MFR), especially the John F. Barnes method, is next-level! From the MFR perspective the body is viewed as a whole, treating symptoms while looking elsewhere for the cause with gentle, sustained pressure on fascial adhesions for 5+ minutes. This nurtures and hydrates tissues at a cellular level, allowing your consciousness to address those issues underneath the tissues without causing harm. Unlike the temporary vacation feeling massage gives you, MFR is like taking a road trip with a good friend – where the adventures are guaranteed, instructions are not included, and you’ll have a whole new perspective on life when you get back… if you decide to even come back 😉

Barnes MFR feels more like an art form than a treatment protocol. In fact, every Barnes MFR practitioner has John’s voice in our head, repeating over and over, “Let go of the outcome… find the barrier and wait”, because we know that when we let ourselves let go of the labels and the outcome we, as the therapist, can hold space for our clients to heal from within… and sometimes the healing doesn’t feel better, but it feels like what the client didn’t get to feel during a time when they were scared, or hurt, or afraid, and those feelings have been tucked away for however long, still need tending. Emotions don’t kill people, but storing them in your tissues, and never tending to them will. 

[Side note: Sonya is not kidding! Because my lymph nodes have been affected and my body has been trying to cope with some pretty serious medical treatment protocols, we avoided massage and I got the “extra light” package. But even an extremely slow and safe approach created some intense moments where I had the space to discern where I’ve stored or stuffed emotion in my body. But also, recognizing my body hasn’t betrayed me. It has been doing the best it could. The appointments with Sonya have provided a space to acknowledge all that my corporal shell does for me and how much of the weight it carries, literally and figuratively.]

ME: You made the following statement in a recent appointment with me, “Hope is like weird Barbie?” Do you care to elaborate?

Sonya: Hope is what we need when we are actually in the fire… hope can’t be pretty… she’s too busy helping us get out of trouble… and get into it too. So, in my opinion Hope be lookin’ pretty wild about now.

See? Hope is totally like Weird Barbie! 

Sonya’s practice has helped me find a safe space to learn to address care of my whole being. This type of treatment might not appeal to you. That’s okay. My wish is for you to think about ways you may be neglecting yourself. I get it might sound selfish. But “you cannot give what you don’t have”. Profound insight from an argument with a three year old about gum, but nonetheless true. If you are curious, have any questions for Sonya, or are interested in learning more about Barnes Myofascial Release, I’ve linked her website here. Trust me, she would love to engage with you on this topic! But for now…

May you look for Hope and find her in all her wacky and unexpected presentations! 

P.S. Quick update – I’m officially done with treatment and have been declared, “in remission”! Woohoo! But spoiler alert, there are a couple more blog posts coming about the journey. The feeling of wanting to write is catching up with the stuff to write about. Now go out and find Hope! I promise she will greet you with a smile.